MY FRIENDS + THEIR BIGGEST LESSONS THIS YEAR
Six months in lockdown. Six months of changes. Six months of new questions, anxieties, losses. Six months of new lessons, perspectives, challenges. Six months of a new wave of life – for better or worse.
I think about the Friday morning my boss told some coworkers and me that we’d be out of office for two weeks while the dust of this then not pandemic settled. I didn’t know that this would be my last day ever in that office nor that when I boarded the plane to Chicago that night that I’d never return to the same life I lived.
It’s truly been a trying time over these last six months. I know that we have all faced new problems and have had to learn a lot about ourselves. We’ve come to uphold new standards when it comes to leadership and consumption of information and media. There’s no knowing what the future holds nor what a “normal” life or world looks like anymore.
Rather than part some of my own wisdom and recap of these more recent months, like I did with the first three, I decided to turn to some of my closest friends to share the biggest lessons they’ve learned. Reading through these as I received them, I noticed that there were such similarities in all of our experiences. Even though each of us has had a unique journey during the pandemic, what we take away from it is all too similar.
I asked my friends to pass along the biggest lessons they’ve learned along with a photo of themselves from the last six months. Thank you so much to all who contributed!
Greg
(25, Silver Lake, CA)
The most valuable lesson I’ve learned in the past six months is to be present. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, for yourself or your loved ones. Take joy and appreciate the free, invaluable things in life - good human interaction, the sunlight, the ocean. Being positive and spreading joy is a lot easier than being negative. Every time we may think 2020 is the worst, let’s show grace for those who have lost someone due to the virus or otherwise and were unable spend those final moments with their loved ones. Someone is always going through more than you, so never be a victim. Always remaining humble and be cognizant of the sheer blessing of health in these pandemic times.
Kendall
(25, Washington, DC)
Over the last 6 months, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is the importance of pouring into your support system. So many times I’ve gone through hardships, and I’ve tried to cope alone, but this pandemic has shown me that I need the support of my loved ones now more than ever. I’ve used this time of isolation to lean on my people and have offered support too, and it taught me that we can’t get through these times without one another.
Joe
(26, San Francisco, CA)
The last six months have been an incredible lesson in the art of letting go. That’s not to say I’ve chosen to give up on myself and succumb to the whims of the world. Rather, I’ve come to understand and accept that which is in my control and that which is not.
We have three options to move forward when confronted by an unpleasant situation. You can change the situation, you can remove yourself from it, or you can let go of control and surrender to it. Now imagine waking up in the midst of a global pandemic, tumultuous economy and the natural devastation of California’s wildfires. Sometimes, I find myself clinging to what “could’ve been” – planned travels, career growth, meaningful time with friends and family. The truth is, expending energy wishing for unfeasible desires results in baseless anxieties.
I’ve learned the only way to minimize anxieties and uncover true happiness is to surrender to the present moment and radically accept its circumstances. I am here, right now. Now what can I do right now to make the best of this situation? FaceTime a friend? Go for a walk with my N95? Put away my phone and dive into a new book instead of browsing social media? Surrendering to the present has freed me from anxiety and helped me to rediscover life’s simple pleasures, even in the midst of global uncertainty.
Zoe
(25, Los Angeles, CA)
I think my biggest lesson is to be flexible. Everyone is going through it and handling the pandemic differently, and things are constantly changing. This also goes for mental health stuff. Giving myself a break has been important. Sometimes things are just too much and you need to change your plan for the day, and that just needs to be fine.
Caroline
(25, Los Feliz, CA)
The trials and tribulations of the last six months have taught me the very valuable, albeit cliche, lesson of ~letting go~. And as a controlling person, it has sure been difficult.
There is nothing harder than watching the carefully constructed fantasy of your life fall apart in a matter of days. I realized was so dependent on future plans – letting them define me and drive me. I let those distract me from living in the moment and defining myself by the actions I was doing on a day-to-day basis. Without the certainty to the future, I have really had to learn to sit in the present and let go of all those ways I was letting my future self define my present self.
In this way, I’ve been able to take stock of my daily routines, the people I spend time with, the content I consume and how all of those things make me feel. Letting go of what doesn’t serve me and keeping what makes me feel really good and happy in the present moment.
Kelsey
(24, London, UK)
This is a tough one! I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that it’s OK to rest and not be at 100% at all times. A lot of my major projects at work were suddenly cancelled or moved indefinitely due to budget changes in the pandemic. I felt disappointed and nervous that I would be judged for not achieving as much at work as I had last year.
I’m learning that it’s awesome to work at 100% but equally effective to know when to rest, especially when expectations change and you have support from others. I am learning a lot about navigating the ebbs and flows of work more than ever this year – specifically knowing when to go hard but also when to rest. Doing so allows you to refocus on yourself and the relationships that matter to you, which I am SO grateful for this year more than ever.
Petey
(21, Bozeman, MT)
What I have learned in the past six months is that even when the world as we know it turns to shambles and everything I hold dearly is stripped from me, my well-being and happiness doesn’t have to conform to external stimuli. When one door closes another opens. The difference is every door slammed shut and locked me out. Lots of emotion manifested due to this; fear, anxiety, panics and even, boredom. But when I was forced to stop indulging in things I love, new passions came to the forefront. If there is one thing I have gained in the past six months, it’s a more diversified amount of passions that make life worth living.
Will
(26, Los Angeles, CA)
For the three years I lived in San Francisco, I had a constant voice in my head telling me I should live somewhere else. Like a song on repeat, this feeling constantly played on a loop in my mind — permeating my inner dialogue and external conversations. Friends and I would talk about moving away and escaping San Francisco’s tech bubble as a recurring topic of conversation.
There’s a genre of social media best described as “inspirational entrepreneurship.” Through pictures, videos, podcasts and quotes, entrepreneurs impart their knowledge and call to stop accepting complacency. Speakers will enforce messaging like “If you’re satisfied with your life, you’re being complacent." There are kernels of truth within the fluff — emphasis on hard work, focus and rejecting complacency are all key ingredients in building a strong foundation for anyone’s working life. But applying these kernels of truth to my entire life wasn’t fair to myself.
This month for a variety of reasons, I moved to Los Angeles. As I was moving out of my San Francisco apartment, I felt sad and nostalgic. But why? I always wanted to leave. I had programmed in my head that leaving was equated to nonconformity. As the furniture in my apartment rapidly disappeared and my goodbyes to friends became a daily event, the truth began to dawn. I’d always loved San Francisco but I’d unfairly placed my own insecurities and inadequacies on the city. It was only when I left did I realize that being happy isn’t being complacent. Being appreciative isn’t settling. Thank you, San Francisco for my beautiful memories and the lesson I could only have learned when the city skyline was in my rearview mirror.
Lauren
(25, San Francisco, CA)
Quarantine taught me prioritizing my needs over others doesn’t make me selfish — it makes me self aware.
Amanda
(24, Los Angeles, CA)
At the beginning of quarantine, I heard on The Happiness Lab (a podcast about the science of happiness, hosted by Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos) that research shows happy people are spontaneously grateful. So, I decided to start a gratitude journal.
Every night before bed — well, every night I remember — I list three things I was grateful for that day. At first it felt sort of forced (in the way that habit-forming always does), but it’s been two months of consistent journaling, and I will say I notice a difference. I feel more mindful, more content. And now I recommend it to anyone who will listen.
Erik
(25, Saratoga, CA)
At some point, I’d like to believe we’ve all heard the expression: God laughs when we plan.
And damn, if these past six months haven’t been an indicator of this, I don’t know what is.
As chill as I’d like to say I am, I’m a planner, a strategist by trade. Always having an answer, even when questions aren’t being asked. Always on the defense, like if life is a constant battle, and in order to win, the path forward is the only option.
If these past six months have taught me anything, it’s that life is not linear, but curved. And just because it’s curved doesn’t it mean it can’t be calculated, or simply enjoyed for that matter. That the direction in front of me doesn’t have to be crystal clear, and because of that, I should appreciate what is at life’s every corner. To have confidence in my ability and worth to know that regardless of the circumstances, I can and will preserver. To take a pause, and say, today, I am enough.
And what’s mine you might ask? I’ve learned that you truly must expect the unexpected. As cliche as it is, I don’t think it’s ever been more true, for me at least, than now. It’s an uneasy feeling to know at times that uncertainty is the only certainty. I’ve seen an immense amount of change in the last six months, and I’ve had to remember not to beat myself up for things way out of my control. Things are constantly changing, so I have to be prepared to expect a shift at any moment. It’s not always easy, but I’m so grateful for my support system (like those included in this post!) for pushing me through.
